sometimes I wonder, if it'll be better for us not to have the freedom to think too much into things..

not to get sucked into the whirlpool of human emotions and affections and psychology..

but of course, it's God's gift for us to have emotions, to feel for everything around us..

weakness....

It's hard to learn to let things go..

It's probably harder to learn to not hold on to those things..

"If you care about somebody, you should want them to be happy.. Even if you wind up being left out"~~~

pity the world..

It's falling to immorality and lack of values...

Why, be so self-centred? :(

fact: it is INCREDIBLY RUDE to just change the channel on the TV and lie down on the couch to watch your programme when someone else was already playing game on it.. and when that person wants to return to his game after pausing for AN HOUR JUST FOR YOU, it's REPULSIVELY RUDE to not budge..

As it goes, physics did not go as well as I hoped for..

What a way to end the module..

And I fear the same for the rest of my modules..

I don't know why, I keep telling myself not to get so preoccupied with results, and learn to enjoy the uni life by doing what I like and enjoy, rather than bury myself in studies, because this is, after all, the last few years I can actually afford to do so..

But somehow, my mindset keeps going back to the results-oriented attitude.. Deep down, I yearn for that A, just to prove something..

But prove what? I really have no idea.. Prove that I'm capable in my studies? Prove that I'm smart?

Do I really need that? Is that endless chase for good cap the ultimate goal I wish to achieve in this 4 years? I wonder how long more must I remain conflicted before I make up my decision...

Its fruitless....

looking back, things have changed..

life has moved on.. the friends I interacted with changed.. The group of people I hang around with changed..

everyone has moved on..

my old cell blog is still in my blogger dashboard.. went back to take a look, and lots of fond memories came back to me.. the days back in school when we'd have CG on Thursday evenings.. the Saturdays when we'll have lunch together, then go for service, and then dinner after that together again.. the random outings we have to steamboats, basketball, chitchat and simple gatherings..

memories of the people there came back as well.. still vividly remember the same core group of people.. and some fleeting memories of people whom I've seen only a couple of times and never really interacted much.. a few years on, quite a lot has changed.. some have become quite distant, some are now actively serving in the various ministries in Hope, others are either MIA or I have no idea how their lives are going..

life goes on..

always cherish the people you've hung out with before.. some of them could have the greatest influence in your life that you probably never knew.. although with time, some of these relationships will inevitably change, but in the moment when we were together, I had learnt some of my greatest lessons with and from these people..

so thank you all my different friends, whom I've spent much of my time in the past with.. life certainly has meaning with you all making a difference in my life. even though we might never meet or hang out like we used to, know that at least for even that brief moment of interaction, you've left a part of yourself in my fondest memories.

not having a girlfriend, doesn't mean not having a social life, or giving a bad impression, ornot appreciating and enjoying life..

it simply means..

just not having a girlfriend..

don't think too much or get influenced by stupid thoughts of needing one...

strangely, you've just.. disappeared..

no idea where or when or what.. no returning messages, no email, no fb msgs.. no activity..

just gone..

where?

is this what you wish for us? total contact-less.... avoiding..

why??