was reading a friend's tumblr when i came across the depressing portraits of closed bookstores..

admittedly, I was never a fan of bookstores or libraries or book cafes or any of that sort.. In my mind, I would rather spend the time chilling either at home, or taking a stroll or just spending my time outside alone or with friends.. Books was never made a big part of my life, majority of which is my fault..

Yes I hated reading, I hated the idea that my eyes have to scan through all those hundreds upon thousands of characters and texts and words, and then having to process them in my head into a form of literary expressions I can understand.. I found reading more of a chore than a joy, simply because..

I. Was. Too. Lazy. To. Read..

Or so I thought..

I often envied and respected people who rave on about how they get such satisfaction reading this book, or that book, or how much they really want to squeeze the time outside of their already hectic schedules just to sit down and read a particular book they just got and really just enjoy the peace and joy of reading..

Envied, because, deep down inside, I really wanted to be like them, being able to just grab a book and immerse myself into a world of "literary bliss", to be so engaged in the writer's expression and just be oblivious to my surroundings, engaging myself in the world of literature and expressions..

Respect, because these people are able to express themselves in a way far beyond my league, to be able to express fully their thoughts and ideas, using all those different forms of literary expressions they picked up from years of reading..

Seeing all those portraits of closed bookstores, I start to regret why I hadn't actually pushed myself to read more.. There's a sense of, perhaps loss I should say, that I've probably wasted more hours doing nothing than actually making the effort to even read a book from cover to cover.. There are still stacks of books lying around in shelves at home that haven't been touched in ages, books that I started reading since primary school, but have yet to be finished even till today..

And outside, bookstores are already struggling to make a decent living, given all these competition and hype over e-books and appstores offering books for purchase. Yes, I do agree that no e-books or digital books ever come close to the experience of opening a physical book and lounging on the sofa flipping through the pages..

Maybe one day, just that one day, I might find that joy in reading that I've always envied..

perhaps..