Early this morning, I bade farewell to my maternal grandma, the last grandparent in my immediate family..

I've never met my grandfathers, both paternal and maternal. I was told they passed away around the period I was born, or before, somewhere along that line.. My paternal grandma passed away 12 years ago, and now my maternal grandma. For them to live for decades without their husbands by their side must have been really lonely and hard on them.. Yet they strongly lived on with love for their family and children, and to us their grandchildren. Their strength and resilience and lovingness are unrelenting and admirable.. My great regret is not spending more time with them and talking to them and learning from them. Last time I seen my grandma was 2 weeks ago at the hospital, for a brief 15 minutes. I should have taken more time out to visit her at the hospital, to see her again..

Yet in that 15 minutes I could see her energy, the life in her body. Pained, but still fighting. And in peace. She knew it wasn't long for her time to come, yet she did not let it get to her. She was a stubborn old lady all these years, who fought to live her life without constraints, even in pain. I could feel her warmth in her hands and voice, as she grabbed onto mine and called my name, and tried to talk to me. She lived her last days still fighting, stubbornly refusing to give in, and went away peacefully.

Dear grandma, thank you for everything. Your love, kindness, and resilience. We weren't extremely close, but looking at you living through these 20 odd years have taught me so much more. I pray that you'll be headed to a better place, one where pain and hurt doesn't exist anymore, and that you'll be with your loved ones, where you'll be surrounded by joy and love.

May you rest in peace.

Love.

A little bit of thanksgiving:

Thank You Lord, for the little joys in life, to let me see the wonderful world You have placed me in, the beauty of all these that surrounds me.

Thank You Lord, for the little obstacles and setbacks You have brought me through, to live life to the fullest and grow stronger everyday.

Thank You Lord, for the little disappointments and sadness You have seen me through, to learn and understand the imperfections of myself, to grow out of my little sheltered life, to learn compassion and empathy through my own struggles and to humble me everyday.

Thank You Lord, for the little things in this life that You put me through, to show me Your patience, compassion, love, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, maturity. To mould me into the very man You want me to be. To grow and to nurture me. I pray for ever more of such little things, that You may continue to challenge me, to grow, to nurture, to change me and to see me mature in this life.

Thank You Lord, for the people you have put around me, to push me and challenge me beyond myself, to love me and criticise me, to guide me and point out the errors in my ways, to be there for me in my strongest and weakest moments.

Thank You Lord, for everything. I'm sorry for being a disappointing child. Mould me and grow me into the man You desire for me to become. I pray for Your guidance and presence to come fill my life, and bring me back closer to you.

Thank You Lord.

Now is totally not a good time to feel this way..

End of Riga WCG. End of an amazing journey.

Thank you everyone for making this trip. For the hard work, the emotions, the music, the efforts. You know who you are, and I greatly appreciate everyone.

Thank You God for your providence and blessings amidst all of this. Thank You for everything.

Time: 02:55am

It's been slightly under an hour since I woke up in the middle of the night.. And I can't go back to sleep..

I sure hope I'm not subconsciously thinking about anyone...

Sigh

I lost 6 consecutive dota matches in the last 2 days...

I am extremely sad now :(

Whatever I get, or happens tomorrow..

Thank You Lord for everything in the last half a year!

Apparently, I'm a 疼老婆的好男人. 

Totally should advertise myself as such...

I haven't stayed out till 11 in a long while.. Let alone chatting with people so many years younger than I am..

Guess there's always a first for everything

Billy Joel - And So It Goes

In every heart there is a room.

A sanctuary safe and strong